Mrs Gaara
by turquoise-kitsune
Summary: Random yaoi crack, I decided to write. R&R thr will be benifts, plus I can make ppl bend to my will. : be afraid, be very afraid.WARNING: YAOI, that's rite homophobics are not welcome here! away with ye, ye nasty judgemental hellions!
1. Chapter 1

Random yaoi crack story that came to mind while I walked home alone like a loner singing depressing emo songs to myself.

disclaimer: me no own... :(

Mr. masashi: don be sad weird little girl.

me: i wont be if u let me buy the series...

Mr. masashi: that is a good-

barney: "barney loves u, u love me, lets go get brainwashed by barney,"

me: aaaaahhhhhh make it wasnt there make it wasnt there!

Mr. masashi: runs away

me: nnnnooooo! come back i want to have naruto!

Mrs Gaara?!

Chapter 1

A blonde blur raced through the trees, soon followed by a lazy toad Sannin.

"Eh Naruto, why are we going so fast?" the white haired pervert groaned.

"Shut up Jiraiya, I want to get back to Konoha and if you don't go faster I'll beat you up and drag your mangled body up with me." Naruto said cheerfully.

"Oh, he he, that's a good point..."

The two men speed up, flying through the forest. Naruto was finally back! After leaving to train with Jiraiya for 7 years, he was returning home. The blonde jinchuuriki had grown a lot, and now he was not only a hunter ranked ninja, that could beat up a Sannin, oh no. The baby fat had vanished leaving a handsome, well to be honest golden sex god. He had even decided to ditch the orange along with the childish, attention seeking attitude. Now he wore a black full sleeved muscle shirt, with a red kimono-like shirt on top. He had black camo pants, with various chains hanging about, tucked into heavy army boots. He also had a katana strapped to his back.

Finally the pair stopped, reaching Konoha's front gate. Naruto stepped forward entering the very busy main street, that was instantly covered in blood. Woman and men of many ages clutched themselves, nosebleeds painting the streets crimson. Naruto, taking no notice, took off in the direction of the Hokage tower. Jiraiya, he simply went to go do what he does best, peep at girls.

"Tsunade-baachan?" Naruto peeped in through a window. The blond Hokage mumbled in her sleep.

"He, wait till Shizune finds you..." he slid over to Tsunade and gently prodded her awake.

"Eh?" she looked up her words slurred her face cover in random bits of kanji and her vision fuzzy. Naruto smirked at her.

"Naruto? NARUTO!" she jumped up and advanced towards the latter. "7 years! 7 years you've been gone! But do you let me in on anything? Well? Not one single letter or message! Stupid brat!"

"Eh? Nani? But Jiraiya said he sent you plenty of letters, he ditched training heaps of times using it as an excuse, and he ditched me at least 5-6 times every week... wait," Naruto caught on.

"Ah," Tsunade caught on as well, "well never mind Naruto- otouto, you go get your ramen, I will deal with that perverted little hentai writing loser."

Naruto was scared, very scared, for Jiraiya at least. But his amusement got the better of him. Grinning ear to ear he said, to the shock of the universe.

"Nah, I don't like ramen that much anymore..."

**In Scotland:** ahhh! The loch ness monster is modelling for seventeen magazines!

**In spring field:** "And is later news local drunk loser, Homer Simpson was found making love to a cow.

**In Hogwarts:** "extra extra, he who must not be named has resorted to Judaism, and is selling freshly baked chocolate chipped stoats at his newly opened shop, 'Me Thinky Pinkie!'"

**In the white house: **"Um Mr. President? Why are you dressed in black velvet lingerie?

**In some underground Nazi base: **Hitler makes love to many ginger haired people.

**In some anti-gay community:** "Right so it's decided! We are all turning homo! We are now called the P.W.A.A.P.E.T.W.A.H.O.S. short for Pretend we are anti gay's even though we are homo our selves!"

**In Suna:** "OMG! I found Gaara at the rainbow tree huggers' convention. He was wearing _yellow_"

**In heaven:** GOD " well satan , i am taking an early retirement and after much thought (2 second while drunk) i have decided to let u look after the universe 4 me"

so the entire world went crazy after naruto denyed liking ramen anymore.

**LINELINELINELINELINELINE**

me: so how was the chapter

gaara: you are the weirdest, craziest, badword, badword, bardword

me: thats not very nice... :(

gaara: no its not ment to be. : walks away:

me: well gaara, wait till u see what happens in the next chapter, mwhahahaahaha,

comes back to planet earth

me: oh dear was i talking to myself again?

:) R&R thr will be benifets just follow the arrows and click

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	2. Chapter 2

thankies to my First reviewer PyroD

gaara: so retard

me: ha you were being mean to me so I invited all of konoha to read my story.

gaara: what does your story have to do with me being mean to you?

me: you'll see.

gaara: whateva

Chapter 2

Naruto dawdled along, scarfing an ice cream cone. After Jiraiya used ramen as a bargaining tool when he wanted to go and peek at girls, Naruto got sick of being used. So he developed a sweet tooth.

"hn... I wonder where everyone has gone...?" Naruto thought to himself.

Then spotting Shikamaru, sauntering through the forest, the blonde polished off his ice cream and then raced after the brunette. Tackling the lazy ninja, Naruto grinned triumphantly, straddling a surprised Shikamaru.

"Eh? Naruto, can't you give me some warning before you do that?" Shika gasped pinching his nose to stop the inevitable nosebleed.

"Doing what?" Naruto asked innocently.

_Looking so fucking hot before I screw your brains out. _Shika kept that last bit to himself. The lazy ninja struggled to his feet, before addressing the blonde.

"You...um...I am taking a walk."

Naruto picked up on the bad attempt at a pick up line.

"Okies, come on Shika, you can tell me what's been happening,"

Together the two ninja's set off into the forest.

Soon Naruto had learned that shy little Hinata was not shy any more. The Hyuuga heiress had gone off and married Chouji and they were both living together along with their 18 kids. (Hinata had grown up a lot, snicker).

He also learned much to his pleasure that forehead and Ino pig, had both gone off boys after some very pleasant pranks were played on them.

But honestly he thought making the girls run around Konoha naked,

painting foreheads hair puke green and Ino pigs hair orange,

Tsunade happily preformed a lovely new jutsu, the _hairy _jutsu, making both _its _have mass hair production and found themselves hairier than gorillas.

And various other things that Shika was too lazy to recollect. But Naruto felt that this was unfair. They deserved much, much, much _**worse **_(oh, did you think I was going to say better?), especially after crawling all the way to Orochimaru's , to beg the snake loser to take them in so they could be with their precious Sasuke-kun. But then of course Sasuke had to kill snake – teme. And then after killing Itachi dragged the two its back to Konoha, and begged Tsunade to take him back. But Tsunade had only agreed had Sasuke got rid of the it's. So they handed over forehead and Ino pig to Barney.

Ten-ten had been found in a secret relationship with Gai, and they had been worse than ridiculed, so they moved away, far, far away, and no one ever saw them again.

Temari had been forced into an arranged marriage with grass country's Hokage's son. She lived.

But all of the other boys had stayed in Konoha. Even Gaara had been spending a lot of time here. Naruto was also happy to know that all the boys were open or closet homos.

_Thank god, now they can't reject me for being bi. _

He also learned Kakashi had gone gay for Iruka. Naruto grinned.

"Hey Shika? Thanks for telling me all this stuff."

_You can repay me by being my uke._ Shika grinned; Naruto was too feline and feminine to be a seme.

Then the lazy Nin slunk away, remembering that his mother threatened to send him to Barney if he was late for dinner again. (And quite honestly who wouldn't have nightmares about this?)

Naruto carried on wandering, thinking about everything. Suddenly his awesome ears heard some noises nearby. He wiggled (? Don't ask) closer, and to his shock, horror, surprise there sat Gaara, on the forest floor. Looking about as emotional as an unemotional red-haired insomniac could look.

"NARUTO!" he screeched, glomping the blonde.

"G-Ga-Gaara? What's wrong?"

"I-I'M GETTING MARRIED!"

**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**

ME: HIDING IN UNKNOWN LOCATION

gaara: eye twitching

rest of konoha: backing away slowly from gaara.

me: that's what you get with messing with me!

gaara: still eye twitching

me: okies then, sorri for the cliff hanger but I have school 2moro and it's late. plus I haven't done any other of my hmmwk, so be happy i like writing so much.

plz review, they make me happy, and when i am happy i bake cookies and ditch hmwk to write random naruto yaoi crack.

plus i kno you all want to see what gaara does to me.

ja'ne for now. (now follow the arrows)

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	3. Chapter 3

sorri for the short chapter.

me: hi, go ahead and read, you get to meet _mrs gaara_

gaara: lets out stream of very bad language that will not be published.

kankuro: also lets out stream of bad words

temari: laughs and laughs

naruto: stands looking hot.

sasuke, shino, kiba, kakashi, neji, shika, iruka (omg) : all having nose bleeds at naruto's hotness

gai: druged and half-dead, and chained down in some old dungeon, being tochured, he apoligizing for not being here.

lee: shouting about youthful things.

tsunade: drinking sake, with jiraiya

jiraiya: also drinking sake, while peeping at sluts that walk around with transparent and almost no-there clothing.

orochimaru: with his gay lover, kabuto, doing snaky things

akatsuki: secret stuff

me: acting like I care- disclaimer: blah blah blah, I neither confirm nor deny anything!

Chapter 3

Naruto sat while a sobbing Gaara clung to him. It was common knowledge that Gaara was gay. In fact he was the first to come out of the closet. Naruto completely understood his predicament.

Gently petting the red head, the kit thought to himself.

"Gaara sweetie!" a shrill voice echoed through the woods. Suddenly a girl with flamboyant magenta hair burst from the bush behind them. Gaara whimpered.

"G. G honey? I have found the most amazing wedding dress!" the anorexic skinny girl pulled a hideous orange gown out.

"Oh and daddy is letting me streak my hair!"

Naruto raised an eyebrow at the red head beside him, who was trying not to cry.

"Dear lord!? Are you going to streak it black, so you look half-decent?

"What black? But that is so _emo_! I was thinking more neon yellow, or maybe neon orange to go with my dress" the freak drifted off, why Gaara began sobbing again, before noticing Naruto.

"Hey _you_, I am Tsubomi-chan," she winked

"Naruto," monotone reply.

"You want to go get some-"

"I don't swing that way, I may be bi, but I'm more gay than straight."

She gave him a look, and then ran off emitting ear-splitting shrieks, into the bushes.

Silence.

"Wow, and you have to send the rest of your life with that?"

Gaara nodded sadly, "I am marrying the homophobic, pink loving, daughter of lightning countries Raikage, to bring peace to Kumogakure (lightning country) and Sunagakure (wind country). Oh and in the process Kankuro hates me, because he likes Tsubomi, and hates me getting to marry her."

Naruto gagged and almost died.

"Kan- Kankuro ... Ewwww, he actually likes that?"

"Yes, and when I told my dad I was gay, he didn't listen and told me that if I told her..." Gaara shudders.

"So she doesn't like gays you tell me?"

Cue evil glint in Naruto's eyes.

Hokage (火影, _literally "Fire Shadow"_**?**) Kage of Konohagakure.

Kazekage (風影, _literally "Wind Shadow"_**?**) Kage of Sunagakure.

Mizukage (水影, _literally "Water Shadow"_**?**) Kage of Kirigakure.

Raikage (雷影, _literally "Lightning Shadow"_**?**) Kage of Kumogakure.

Tsuchikage (土影, _literally "Earth Shadow"_**?**) Kage of Iwagakure.

**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**

me: mmmmmmmmmmm

Tsubomi: and anyway i also want two elephants and a mamoth, and a two headed turtle, and 13 tonnes of mud-

me: eye twitchy, backs away, freak does not notice.

gaara: what do you want? tears

me: I am soooooooo sorri gaara- chan!

gaara: hmekwkndkdsdnsdcns,

me: whats that?

gaara: I am sorri too,

awwww hugs!

me: I will make it up to you, naruto and me have a plan!

gaara: really, hugs

tsubomi: hay b! what the f are u doing with my-

kankuro: aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh tsubomi! why won't you be mine?!

sasuke: you kno you owe me for putting that mind control jutsu on kankuro.

me: sly, shifty look: hmmmmm, thats right u will all get ur reward!

ja;ne

ps for those of you who want me to write a bit about what forehead and ino pig have been up to plz, tell me when you rewiew, and you better review, or there will be no, I repeat NO LEMONY SCENCES!

kiba, gaara, shino, kakashi, iruka(omg), shika, chouji (even tho he is married), hinata, temari, tenten, tsunade, shizune (all huge yaoi fans), sasuke, jiraiya, etc etc

all scream: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,

me: see do u really want to sleep with ur eyes open cuz, u didnt review and hordes on ninja's are coming to get you?

follow the arrows

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	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Naruto lay in bed, hands tucked under his blonde head. Grinning, he said,

"Gaara what do you think?"

The red haired man gave what could be the closest to a grin for homicidal insomniac.

"You are a god Naru, have I mentioned that?"

"Alright then let's put operation S.G.F.S.M.H.G.A.M.K.M.H.W.F.A.S.M.F.G, short for save Gaara from scary magenta haired girl and make Kankuro marry her, while finding a soul mate for Gaara, into action!"

Gaara frowned

"What's wrong?"

"Is that the really best name you could come up with?"

"Well… my second option was S.T.T.B.A.L.S.A.I.D.W.H.A.T.S.K.F.S.H.B.R.H.F.T.M.C.J.T.H.S.P.O.H. (short for send Tsubomi to barney and let Sakura and Ino deal with her, and then stop Kankuro from saving her by releasing him from the mind control jutsu turquoise had Sasuke put on him,)"

Gaara shook his head,

"Kami I don't even want to know,"

"Heh, Yosh! Let's get started,"

Naruto used summoning jutsu to make a little Kitsune appear, and sent it out to gather craft supplies.

Gaara frowned again

"What happened to the toads?"

"Oh well I fused with the Kyuubi's powers, and she was like no more toads," Naruto grinned, "but you know I am to _Foxy_ for toads,"

Gaara smirked pervertedly, _I can only imagine. _

When the little Kitsune returned, she found both boys in a full out make out session. She grinned her little foxy grin, and with a swish of her crimson tail she vanished, leaving behind craft materials.

Naruto looked up panting heavily, noticing that the Kitsune had arrived and left, he let go of Gaara's manhood. Gaara looked disappointed.

"eeeehhhhhhhhhh, ma Naruto why did you stop?"

"Gaara we are saving your behind from Tsubomi, so hurry up and help, we can have fun later (wink)"

Naruto sat down and started cutting up paper, so did Gaara.

"Finished!" gasped Naruto as he set out the invitations he and Gaara had made.

"hn," Gaara pushed away from the desk, and made his way to the half-asleep Naruto.

Gently Gaara reached down placing soft butterfly kisses down Naruto's neck. The blonde's eyes fluttered open as he gasped.

"Gaara, I am not about to do you in the middle of my living room,"

"Do me? Since when were you a seme?" Gaara whispered, licking the blonde's ear shell,

"Ahhhh… why shouldn't I be seme?" Naruto moaned

"You always seemed to scream uke when you were little,"

Naruto smirked pervertedly,

"Well we will see about that now, won't we?"

Naruto caught Gaara's faced and kissed him. Their tongues did a dance for dominance, which was quickly gained by Naruto. Then Naruto stopped them both and dragged Gaara into his bedroom, before locking the door behind them.

A silver haired Nin looked disappointed, as he sat on the window sill.

_Ah well_, sighed Kakashi,

_I am sure Naruto left his window open; I will watch them from there._

The Kakashi disappeared, and reappeared outside Naruto's bedroom window. He tried to lift open the window to no avail. Then he noticed a note placed at the side of the window.

_Ha Kakashi, trying to enjoy a free show?_

_I don't think so, but my room isn't sound proof. _

Kakashi grimaced. But immediately felt himself harden as he heard the noises coming from Naruto's room. He sunk down.

_Curse you turquoise! _

Hits: 213, that's correct I have 213 hits and only 3 people review me! Why do you all hate me?

Reviews: Thankies to PyroD, Devastating Sisters aka Kitsune chan, ShikakuKyuubi, I love you

Also Thankies to fairy-hime-108 for the encouragement

 Review and there will be cookies!!

follow the arrows

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	5. Chapter 5

excuse the random crack- I was hyper

Raven: she means really hyper, like bouncing off the walls hyper

turquoise: yah and i though i would be stupid deleting this as you probably hate me for not updating faster

Raven: i bet they are gona send their scary assins after you for it

turquoise: rree-aally?

Raven: yeah, i'd so hide if i were you...

turquosie: has vanished due to fear of bodily harm inflicted by yaoi fangirls

Chapter 5!

Naruto lay on the bed. He was really tired from all the lemon rated fun they had last night! But he was even more pleased with messing with Kakashi

_Seriously that man is more hormonal than most teenagers!_

And it was true. Kakashi was too embarrassed to admit it, but-

"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh I knew it! The psycho authoress is the one sabotaging me!"

I stand there and look utterly bamboozled.

"Right because you can see me how?"

"Well, I am _the _copy cat ninja of the hidden-"

"Sasuke told you didn't he?" I am not impressed.

"Nooooooooo….." Kakashi fiddles about and pouts like a teenager caught by his mother with a stash of dirty magazines under his bed.

I sigh

"You paid him with dirty yaoi novels didn't you?"

"No! Why would I give away my precious to that brat? No I paid him with well written fan fiction of him and Naruto…."

Silence

I walk away unimpressed.

Kakashi reached into his back pocket to pull out his perverted hentai book out, but instead found a blue book.

……_.?_

He opened it carefully peering in.

_Ha ha this is payback for interrupting me._

_If you want your precious orange book back, then you will co-operate._

_If you do well you will be rewarded with pictures of a certain naked blonde….._

Kakashi stood there twitching.

LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE

Kakashi groaned.

Finally after tracking down all of the Konoha boys and giving them all their invites for something unknown.

_Stupid psycho authoress………_

**Oh Kakashi!! I can hear you!!**

_Shit._

Kakashi sighed and returned home to hopefully find his special book waiting for him.

LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE

Gaara lay curled up in the sheets, comfortable and warm.

_I should think of a way to repay Naruto for helping me… _

__

_**Well we could show him what a great seme we make….**_

_Shikaku! I mean repay him with something sentimental_

_**Tch. You know what my advice is?**_

_What? _

_**Fuck him senseless.**_

_Stupid useless demon!_

_**No, no kid listen….. Okay see I am what a few thousand years old and if I've learned anything it-**_

_You know what I think I'll take him shopping!_

_**(eye twitching) and Naruto would want to shop with a she-male rather than fuck why?**_

_Because… we aren't shopping for just anything……_

_**Is kinky involved in the next sentence?**_

_Maybe…._

_**I take it all back! All of it! I am a bad, bad demon!**_

_Yes you are…._

_**Will you please take Naruto shopping with you?**_

_Well since you asked so nicely._

"Gaara? Are you still asleep?"

"Aah? Naruto? Yeah I'm awake…."

"Oh...Do you want some breakfast?"

_**Yeah I'll take an order of Naruto with whipped cream on top.**_

"Yeah I'll take an order of you with whipped cream on top."

Naruto's grinning head appeared soon followed by the body.

_Holy fuck did I just say what I did?!_

_**Yep.**_

Gaara went red. No he invented a new red.

And well Naruto…he just fell to bits laughing his head off.

**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**

turquoise: i am sorry for not updating faster, gomen gomen

Raven: ...

turquoise: holds out plate of cookies, i'll give you cookies... :)

raven: steals cookie

turquoise: knocks out raven cookies are for good children

i promise to put up a not rubbish chapter soon, like tomorrow or maybe saturday.

ja'ne

and remember if you review the more i will want to write!!

love u all! except non-reviewers: thats right this story has had over 200 views, would someone care to tell me why i have like 10 reviews?


	6. Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER: Karma hates me, so she won't let me have Naruto.

Warning: MINOR Sasuke bashing by me and Raven at the end.

Chapter 6

Naruto sat staring seriously at the faces around him. There was Kiba, Shino, Sai, Neji, Gaara, Shikamaru, Sasuke and Kakashi. The silver haired Nin had been positioned near Naruto to prevent any people trying to jump the blonde god.

"Yosh!" beamed Naruto, showing off his 1000 watt smile.

"Okay so we all know why we are here don't we?"

The young men stared lustfully up at Naruto, ignoring his every word.

"What?"

There was silence………

I was pissed at their reactions so I appeared in all my glory.

"**Damnit you retards'!"**

They all cower in fear apart from Naruto who stands there perplexedly.

"**Now listen! Okay so Gaara is getting married to a slut called Tsubomi and you all are going to help him!"**

"But you're here…..why can't you just kill her?" asked Kiba.

"Yeah Kiba's right, you are the author," added Sasuke,

I was very pissed now.

"**Because you stupid little emo, I would get harassed by Raven (1) for not making it a good story and there would be no further Yaoi fun!"**

"NO YAOI FUN?!" they all scream.

"**Yes,"** I nod cleverly, **"so does anyone have any ideas?"**

"Why don't we have a huge gay orgy?" Kakashi asks, speaking for the first time.

There is much agreement.

"**Awesome idea guys!! But how the hell will this help Gaara?!" **

Everyone is silent.

The suddenly Kakashi jumps up with a comical light bulb floating above his head.

"I KNOW! Tsubomi is homophobic right? So we will take a video of the gay orgy and then secretly leave it on her door step saying that its cookies!"

"**That's GENIUS!" **I exclaim

Kakashi nods excitedly, "Yes and then she will watch it and be disgusted with Gaara so he can happily, not marry her!"

There is a standing ovation for the silver haired Nin, who bows arrogantly.

The suddenly….

WHAM!

The door of the secret HQ slams open and there stands a livid Kankuro.

"Ahhh! You crazy homo's and your yaoi fangirlish leader plan on hurting my precious bomi-bo chan!

"BOMI-BO?!"

"Yes! My precious, most beautiful angelic marshmallow haired-"

"**WTF?!" **I shriek.

Then Raven drifts in.

"**Oh come on Turquoise! "**She walks up to Kankuro and knocks him out.

Dragging the body out, the room is once again silent.

"Wow you think he is dead?" asked Naruto.

The men in the room stare lustfully at the poor dense blonde.

"OH COME ON! WHY ARE YOU FUCKING STARING?!"

**LINELINELLINELINELINELINELINELINELIELIMELIENLEINELIENLEUN**

A/N

(1) Raven is my second personality.

Raven: turquoise!

Me: yyyyeeeeeesssss?

Raven: you owe me and Kakashi and Naruto cookies!

Me: why!?

Raven: because I knocked out Kankuro, and Kakashi came up with the awesome idea…..

Me: than why Naruto?

Raven: because he is _Naruto _

Me: that is true

Raven: you also owe xthextellxtalexmassacrex, Darktruth3224, Aranthera, otaku3kagome, Devastating Sisters, ShikakuKyuubi, and PyroD cookies.

Me: you are correct sir. I owe them scrumdidliumcious double choc-chip cookies!

hand out cookies

Me: there will be more cookies for reviewers!

Raven: also vote for options below

Should the Akatsuki make a guest appearance?

Yes for Yes

Or

Yes for yes

Or

Yes for that would be awesome

Or

Yes for all of the above

There will be a GaaShika pairing.

Who should be with Naruto?

Sai: "Naruto deserves some one perverted like me!"

Neji: "Fate wanted us to be together"

Kakashi "I am HOTT!"

Itachi "evil is the new BLACK!"

GaaShika: "THREESOME!"

VOTE NOW!

Sasuke: what about me woman?

Raven and me: what about you?

Sasuke: Naruto should so be mine-

Raven and me: mimicking Sasuke because I am a sadistic self obsessed two faced lying traitor!

Sasuke: WHAT? STUPID BITCHS!

Raven and me: SNAKEY-SAMA SUMMONING JUTSU!

Orochi: come to me sssasssuke!

Sasuke: AHHHHHHHH!

Me: I apologize to all people who like the SasuNaru pairing, but I have had enough of it so this will NOT be another SasuNaru!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Me: YOSH! Ready to start the 7th chapter Raven?

Raven: nods

Me: NOW! We join our horny young ninjas while they are preparing for their PARTY!

**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**

Kakashi led the long trail of ninja's up a long windy trail.

"Hay Kakashi? Why are we heading through this scary forest?" asked a trembling Naruto.

Kakashi replied without turning, "It's actually called the T.A.R.G.I.A.F.B.T.C.D.W.T. C.T.F.B.A.T. I.I.A.C.A.A.A.H.T.A.H.A.A.W.F.T.R.W. forest." Kakashi nodded smartly.

The entire group stopped with wearing WTF expressions.

Kakashi continued to explain, "It stands for turquoise and Raven got into a fight because they couldn't decide what to call the forest but agree that it is a creepy area and are happy they aren't here and are watching from the real world. Forest."

Most of the WTF expressions didn't go away. But Naruto being blonde smiled hotly and skipped ahead. The rest of the males appreciated this lovely view of the blonde's taut ass. Sasuke turned away hiding a blood nose.

"Hey Kakashi!" he demanded, "you are a GOLIATH pervert, why do you NOT have a blood nose?! Come on I mean even SHINO has one! Shino! Shino the impassive expressionless-"Sasuke was then bashed bloody by a ravenous Inuzuka. Every turned on Kiba. The WTF expressions were back. Kiba face turned bright red.

"Why is everyone staring?! He was insulting my teammate!"

Raven giggles evilly and whispers to Kakashi,

"**Tease him…"** Kakashi nods before asking,

"Is teammates all it is?" Kiba blushed harder before cursing,

"Damn, why are you teasing me Kakashi?!"

"'Cuz Raven told me too," everyone turned to face Kakashi hearing this.

"Raven?" asked a very emo Gaara, **(like you wouldn't be emo if you had to marry the pink **_**thing**_**) **"you mean the authoresses second persona?"

Kakashi nodded, "yup,"

"And WHY are you listening to her?!"

"Because I am a simple authoress-fearing man, who would like to like to 70 after having many test tube babies with preferably Naruto or someone as HOTT," Kakashi nodded cleverly.

"What?!" everyone screamed………with manliness.

Kakashi blinked at them, "Well the male reproductive organ is not suitable for holding children in, and so we use the power of SCIENCE to make-"

A foul mouthed Uchiha interrupted, "NO MAN WTF?! You are Hatake Kakashi Damnit! Why the FUCK are you scared of a little yaoi fan girl and her creepy second persona?!"

Kakashi uttered a girlish shriek.

Pointing a shaky finger at the Uchiha he whimpered, "Oh God, oh god, oh god! You-you speak evil- EVIL!! BLASIMEY! (sp?)" Kakashi screeched dancing about in circles, panicking. And just as they were all about to laugh, what Shino said next made them all freeze.

"Um…where's Naruto..?"

"OMG SHINO JUST SPOKE!" shrieked Kakashi who was still high. The more sane people had the decency to shriek, manlyly of course, what do you take them for? Weak girlish poufs?! I think not!

Anyway.

"NARUTO?!" the upset men rushed through the trying to find, what each of the claimed to be their blonde.

Neji: _OMG where's my blonde?! He must be alone in the forest cold and alone! I will find you Naruto! Fate has destined it!_

Sai:_ … maybe if I find Naruto-kun first he'll be so glad, he'll let me have my way with him……_

Kiba: _I wonder what Shino would look like naked…? Now where has that fox gotten off to!?_

Shino: _……..bugs………._

Gaara: _oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!_

Shikamaru: _..hn Naruto is so troublesome……. Trouble that's HOTT_

Sasuke: _MY DOBE! MY DOBE! MY DOBE! My find him and have my way with him before the authoress, finds him!_

Kakashi: _oh shit! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! The authoress is going to kill me for losing him!_

Raven: _OH SHIT! Where's turquoise?!_

**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**

Sorry about the ridiculously short chapter! I promise to update soon, I am just waiting for all those people to vote. At the moment the THREESOME is in the lead…..WOOT! Itachi is following close behind and Neji soon after. And yes the Akatsuki are visiting too! YEAH!

NOW REVIEW OR I'LL TELL TURQUOISE THAT YOUR CHOCOLATE PEOPLE AND SHE WILL EAT YOU!!

(Yes, this chapter was done by Raven as Turquoise went away for a while…..)

REVIEW DAMNIT!


	8. Chapter 8

El-GASP! An Update? Dare you believe it?? Well actually this is a chapter I wrote a while back and forgot to post, oops,  
If you review enough I may consider writing again full-time!! HintHintGuys!

Chapter 8!

Raven: WHERE IS SHE!?!?

Kakashi: WHERE IS HE!?!?

Raven & Kakashi: OMG WE'VE LOST THEM!!!!!!

**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**

After hours of searching the poor men and Raven found themselves exhausted and tired.

They had re-grouped into smaller groups to stop for lunch. Kiba and Shino had found each other while searching for the foxy, and now where sitting in a large tree eating berries. Sai, Neji and Sasuke had all found each other, and all the stoic bastards sat a safe distance from each other, plotting ways to steal a certain fox. Gaara and Shikamaru gave up on the thought of lunch and like Raven and Kakashi, they continued to search for Naruto and Turquoise.

Then just as the four were on the verge of giving up, they stumbled upon a spring. Further investigation showed that both Naruto and Turquoise were bathing there. The four of them stared at the sight.

The young blonde sat in the water letting it come up to his shoulders. His blonde hair glinting and his cerulean eyes sparkling. Yes needless to say blood came instantly gushing out of three noses. Behind him was Turquoise. Her long raven hair covering most of her body, as she gently soaped Naruto's gold locks. Her green eyes gleamed evilly as she spotted the four pairs of wide eyes.

Suddenly

"Hey guys what going on?" a black duck butt shaped head suddenly emerged. Followed by all the rest of the perverts. Yes and they to put their head into the bush. Once again the poor bush was sprayed upon by crimson blood.

Naruto cocked his head suddenly.

"Turquoise? Do you smell blood?"

"You're right Naru-chan!" the blonde blushed cutely. The evil authoress grinned.

"Naru-chan will you go get our clothes?"

"Why?"

"Well the others will probably be very worried right now, and it is not decent for a young lady to be out bare in the forest, regardless." Naruto nodded and slowly stood up, exposing his ….um …. 'lower' body. The blonde stretched erotically and slipped out of the water.

The poor bush was soaked in crimson. If it had a voice it would have been shrieking loudly and using colourful language that was far too developed for bush's'.

Naruto shook his head, sending droplets of water scattering everywhere. Running a hand through his blonde mane, he reached down and picked up from the pile of clothes a pair of jeans. He pulled them on without boxers, going completely commando. Tying his jacket around his waist, he pulled on his fishnet top.

Naruto dropped Turquoise's clothes by the pool.

"Naru-chan why don't you go wait over there, by that bush, while I change?"

He nodded, and went back to the bush and much to his shock he saw all his friends lying behind it in a pool of blood, that had leaked out from their noses. Raven sat there also giggling like the little yaoi fangirl she is.

"Okay guys! Let's get going!" turquoise appeared donning her usual fairy outfit of doom, complete with death inducing sparkles!

"Guys?" the men lays twitching on the ground. Turquoise sighed.

"Oh well……. I guess that we can't have a huge gay orgy then………"

Once the magic words were uttered all the men were up and raced off in some random direction.

Turquoise and Raven looked at each other.

"Do you think we should tell them they went in the wrong direction?" asked Turquoise

"Naw!" they walked of giggling in the direction of the secret location. Closely followed by a perplexed Naruto.

_Hey Kyuu?_

**_Yeah Kit?_**

_What just happened?_

**_I don't know kit, I just don't know……._**

**LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE**

Well there you go! A boring pointless chapter! Tell you a secret----------this was a filler chapter.

And yes, I know I haven't updated in FOREVER!

:(

Now see me and Turquoise were sitting quietly minding our own business, when suddenly, KARMA appears and takes away our LEMON writing skills!!! So if you want LEMON, you will have to help, or I will skip over the lemon bits.

SO FOR THE SAKE OF EVERYONE'S SANITY! IF YOU CAN WRITE LEMON PLEASE GODDAMN HELP US!!!!

Thank you :)


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